a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
