in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
