Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Farmville is her only friend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
