Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
