apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I love having hate sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So squirting runs in the family.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
