no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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