i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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