My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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