If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
