how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
