can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
