So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Small penises have feelings too.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
