oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize