So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
