i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
