Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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