I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
