It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
