I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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