Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
