the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My cat gives me a boner
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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