i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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