if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
