I haven't been this sober since birth.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
