I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
