I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
