Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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