how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
