Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
