I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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