the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
