remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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