Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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