careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
