I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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