how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
