goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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