i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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