Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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