sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
