Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
