I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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