how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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