Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
