I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
