I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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