that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
