Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
