I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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