i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
