ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
