shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm jealous of your bromance
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
