i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
