Just fell off a train. Bad.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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