I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
