I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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