You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
