So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
