it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
