Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
