I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
