He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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