I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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